HAHA, WOMEN..
1. Why do guys fart more than chicks?
-because ladies won’t shut up long enough to build up the pressure
2. Why don't I trust women?
-I don't trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.
3.Why is a wedding dress white?
-So the dishwasher will match the oven and the fridge.
4.Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man’s responsibility, ‘It’s there in the Bible’. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
5. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
-It's Braille for "suck here".
6. Why are women's feet smaller than men?
-So they can stand closer to the stove.
7. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted." - The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."
8. What do you tell a woman that has two black eyes?
-Nothing- she has already been told twice
9. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
-Because many men are stupid, but few are blind.
10. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
11. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
12. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
-A widow
13. What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 98%
-Wedding Cake
14. Why haven't they sent any women to the moon?
-Because it's clean enough.
15. Why do women have boobs?
So you got something to look at when your talking to them....thanks Family Guy
16. How many ladies does it take to plug in a television?
-None..let her cook in the dark
17. How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
-Call her and tell her
18. What's the best thing about a blow job from your wife?
-Ten minutes of silence.
19. Why dont women need to drive?
-Because there isnt a road between the bedroom and the kitchen
20. Why did God invent shopping carts?
-So that whores could learn how to get off their knees
21. Wat do you call a women with one black eye?
-A quick learner
22. What do you call a woman with no black eyes?
-A good cook.
23. Want to hear a joke?
-Womens rights.
24. How many smart women in the world does it take to change a lightbulb?
-Both of them
25. What's worse than a male chauvanist pig?
-A bitch that won't do what she's told.
26. What do you do when the oven breaks down?
-Give her a slap and push her back in the kitchen
27. Why do females have legs?
-Have you ever seen the mess that slugs leave behind?
28. How is a woman like a laxative?
- They both irritate the shit out of you.
29. What's the difference between a PMSing woman and a pitbull?
- Lipstick.
30. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
-They can't stand seeing a man have a good time
31. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
-You can unscrew a light bulb.
32. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
- Made her chain too long.
33. What does wife stand for?
-washing ironing fucking etc....
34. How do you know that woman are born of Satan?
- They bleed for a week and live.
35. Why did the woman cross the street?
-Who cares. Why the fuck is she out of the house to begin with
36. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
- None, it better be open when the woman brings it to you.
37. What does a 65-year-old woman have between her breasts that an 19 year old does not?
-Her belly button
38. Why do women have periods?
-They deserve them.
39. Why don’t women wear wathces?
-There’s a clock on the oven!
40. When a man gets up to speak, people listen, they look. When a woman gets up people look; then, if she's hot, they listen.
41. Why are hangovers better than women?
- Hangovers will go away.
bravenet.com